SAGIndie

While the NYC film community indulged itself in panels, meetings and parties downtown, I’ve been holed up in the Sheraton with Richard Branson, Madeline Albright, Jimmy Carter, Hamid Karzai, Queen Rania, Richard Holbrook, Desmond Tutu, Al Gore, Clinton and loads of press, volunteers and rich people who’ve I’ve been hoping will drop their check books on the ground in front of me. 

Branson just dedicated $3 Billion to help develop alternative fuels over the next ten years.  I just wanna finance a film so I can employ all kinds of alternative SAG actors.  Shit, he literally just walked by me…."Uh…..Mr Branson?  Wanna finance an indie film?"

As promised, here are some photographs from the SAG member education panel we did in New York on Tuesday evening.

The name of the panel was "What’s in it for Me? Acting in Low Budget Independent Film," and was designed to educate SAG actors about working under the low budget agreements and about the state of the indie film industry in general.

We had a standing-room-only crowd at the event, which was held at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts.

The panel was moderated by SAG’s new National Director, Organizing Todd Amorde and the participants were producer Jay Van Hoy (whose latest film Old Joy opened to fantastic reviews in NY this week), casting director Adrienne Stern, SAG’s Senior Manager of Television/Theatrical Contracts Ron Bennett, actor and filmmaker Peter Riegert, and me.

Peter was the hit of the evening as he regaled the audience with stories about Animal House and his own recent forays into writing and directing low budget indies (including an Academy Award nomination on his very first film!).

No word on whether or not he sports 12 hour erections…

I’m the boss, so I don’t have to prove to Darrien that I actually had a flood at my condo. In fact, after she is finished working and gets back from New York, I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to fire her.

But while I’m stuck in my place waiting for insurance adjusters, plumbers, and water damage experts I don’t have anything better to do than take digital pictures.

This was the ceiling above my hallway, where it all started. The pipe, which doesn’t even lead to my unit, broke and flooded the entire place. They put the plastic over the hole to help incubate the mold that will soon kill me.

The water spread to the living room, bathroom, and the kitchen and bedroom (pictured below) and destroyed the laminate floors.

Fortunately, the only other damage was the keyboard of the very laptop I am using to type this post.

I couldn’t figure out how a flood could cause the “S” key to fall off of my computer… but then Meagan told me that for some reason when our cat, Velvet, gets freaked out (like during floods) she attacks computer keyboards.

Go figure…

It’s not that easy to type without an “S.”

I have photos from the panel we did on Tuesday (taken by former employee Darrien) that I will post when I get back to the office.

In the meantime, I’m very happy that everyone has been blogging (who cares if no one else reads this… it’s all about the art…).

But now what will I threaten to fire them with?

O.K., I clearly didn’t have drinks with Ghandi (I wanted a burger, he …. was dead).  But since Mr. Big Shot "I know important people and want to alienate my new co-workers" had to brag, I wanted to show off, too. 

So he blew off the Mayor’s reception for Bill Clinton, and sent me in his stead.  I went, I saw, and I didn’t dance on any tables.  Mainly because they only served wine and beer (it takes a lot more to get me that drunk).  It was pretty cool, though.  The reception was so that NY filmmakers could meet all the government type people who could help them make films in NY.  So there were reps from IATSE, NY Parks, NY Bridges, NY Film Office, etc., etc.  They basically told of all the places you could film for free and where the best deals are.  I spoke on a panel earlier that day, so many of the filmmakers had already heard my schpiel - I walked in to people shouting, "Hey, SAGIndie Lady!".  I talked with a few more, had a couple of delicious crab cakes, and a little over an hour later, was on my way back to my hotel. 

It’s a quiet trip, since Paul weaseled out of working by faking a home emergency (I want pictures).  I’m puttering around NY, hanging out, trying not to shop.  I’ll be home over the weekend, and then I get to come back to the new office digs!!!  I’m sure my office is lavish.

Later today, I will be at the IFP NY Awards Luncheon to watch Giancarlo Esposito give out the Gordon Parks Awards.  It’s always a great afternoon and some lucky filmmaker and screenwriter will win cash prizes.  Then, I’m coming home!!!  Now, I’ve got to go.  The Queen of England is waiting for me to join her for waffles.

So I spent the entire day slaving at the Clinton Global Initiative today and was nowhere near the IFP Market.  Instead of doing important things like chatting about movies with NYC filmmakers and hitting on IFP staffers, I was helping press cover symposiums about stupid, boring, meaningless things like poverty, global warming, religion, health and war. 

But last night’s SAG Indie panel "What’s In It For Me?" at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts was a great way to meet some new peeps and get a free dinner out of Paul.  Oh, and to help answer some actor’s questions. 

Right now I’m missing the Mayor’s Office of Film & TV cocktail reception but Darrien from the LA office is probably dancing on the table tops drunk in my stead.  And Paul is at home with a hair dryer on his carpets after a mean water pipe burst sent him packing back to LA. 

Tomorrow: more of these damned people that rule the world making commitments of millions of dollars to save starving people and AIDS victims instead of committing their money to my next movie.  Gah!  Whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Existantial dilemma of the day:

Would you rather be a "Made for TV Movie" director or Lucy Liu?

Behind this door, in a super-secret undisclosed location, is the newly relocated nerve center of the SAGIndie Empire.

That’s right. We’ve moved.

Would that I could reveal our exact whereabouts - but if I told you, Eliza would have to kill you (I’m squeamish). Suffice it to say, our Miracle Mile secluded redoubt is impenetrable.

However, as a service to our (twenty or so) readers, I’m going to take you inside this red door for an exclusive look at our new digs. Some of what you see may disturb you, but rest assured that everything that takes place within these walls has been vetted and cleared by lawyers for the Bush administration.

As you can see from this pic, we have much more room in which to read Defamer, drink coffee, and create this well-written but woefully under-read blog. Yes, we now have plenty of space in which to continue our work on behalf of you, the independent filmmaker.
It’s what we do.

The move-in process has gone smoothly, for the most part. Our cache of heavily redacted documents has been filed away, our extensive collection of blackmail photographs has been placed safely within the three-foot thick titanium walls of the SAGIndie Vault, and the restraining system we use to keep Paul from practicing his finely honed ninja skills on us has been installed, and awaits his return from New York City.

And yet, as in any organization, there are laggards - those insolent, lazy few who, through their lack of initiative (not to mention basic cleaning skills) threaten the efficacy of the group. Behold:       

Sad, isn’t it?

Happily, there are always those who, with pluck, drive, and super-developed organizational skills, counterbalance the low impulses of the blackguards of the world.

Look to the left for a case in point. Notice the clean, organized work environment, and how that environment engenders in this worker a confident, relaxed air. In this cubicle productivity is higher, work is of a superior quality, and, in contrast to the sad case above, vermin have no place to hide and multiply.

There is much else I could show you, but in this current world environment one cannot be too sure about security. We’ll have to hold on to some of our secrets, until the time is right - when evil is defeated (in November of 2008), and when someone cleans up their fricking workspace.

Since I have been threatened with dismissal unless I produce some blog content, I decided that I should probably post something in this space before I find myself scraping by on a pittance from the dole.

Thankfully, I actually thought of a reasonably useful concept Eliza actually thought of a reasonably useful concept* that I’ll be revisiting from time to time. Once a week (or as events warrant), I’m going to draw together a list of links to some of the best film-related sites on the web, and post them here. I’ll try to limit the scope of this column to indie film, but if some mega-media-conglomerate stuff sneaks through, you’ll just have to accept that as the cost of living in a oligarchical society ruled by New Media robber barons who saturate popular culture with their dreck - errr, I mean, "Vertically Integrated, Cross Market Intellectual Property."

That said, lets get to the nutmeat of this thing, which I have  unimaginatively titled "Linkages!":

First up in this inaugural edition is FilmRadar.com, a comprehensive guide to specialty film events in the greater Los Angeles area. This site (which also has a presence, along with most of the known world, on MySpace) and it’s associated newsletter are a great source for information on indie, revival house, art house, foreign film, cult movie, and documentary screenings. Kari Bible, the one woman band behind the site, also organizes outings to such events as the ever-popular Cinespia screening series at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. For film geeks, FilmRadar is definitely worth a bookmark - it’s on my del.icio.us profile.

Next up today is a utility that cash-strapped indie filmmakers (i.e., everybody reading this) will find useful. Storyboard Pro Software is a freeware application that works within Filemaker Pro to create, well, storyboards. It’s an academic program without all the bells and whistles of the proprietary storyboard apps out there, but hey - it’s free.

Finally, we have the online retail/streaming/rental service from GreenCine. It’s your one-stop shop for all kinds of rare video, and it also accepts submissions for it’s video on demand service from filmmakers - but SAG signatories should check with the Guild before you submit, just to make sure you have all your i’s dotted and your t’s crossed. They get touchy when the contract is violated.

*That she has already patented - so this is my first and last Linkages! column. Sigh.

Damn you, Aaron Sorkin! Damn you to hell UPN!

I had such a great rant for today, and you ruined it. For a long time now I had been gradually getting more and more irritated with industry behind the scenes/general celebutard shows and how they never, ever work. It may be a glamorous life that I lead, but that doesn’t mean I want to watch it on TV. Sometimes I enjoy seeing how the other half lives, you know? ANYWAY, so I had a great post, I mean really great, this was going to be my Gatsby…and then I watched Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Despite (or perhaps because of?) the hype, I wasn’t expecting much (anything) from the premiere episode of a new and most certainly expensive show, hailing the return of the prodigal helmer (the previously mentioned Sorkin).

You see, in college, The West Wing (inexplicably) was the show to watch while you suffered through your day long Sunday hangover. It’s not that I find politics boring by any means, or the show that tedious, but I remember always thinking that I would rather be watching this on a loop. And it’s not as though I didn’t try to like it. I made a bet with my boyfriend at the time that I could sit a 12 hour marathon on Bravo and still not care about the show. I may have won the bet, but I lost 12 valuable hours that I’m still a little bitter about. So when a show from the same people as The West Wing, about one of my least favorite subjects is being hailed as the show to see this season, of course I’ll give my mandatory skeptics eye roll.

I ended up watching it, though. It was good. Really, really good. Good enough to be able to pull off the use of the song Under Pressure at the end. I hope this doesn’t turn out to be like the last show to disappoint me.

(Doesn’t look like S6oTSS would have been the biggest of my concerns anyway. While NBC managed to pry itself into first place for most of the night, it was only because of the mindlessly addictive Deal or No Deal. In the end another one of those damn CSI crime shows over at CBS that took the coveted 18-35 demographic for 10 pm.

Maybe next time NBC will let me handle their PR.)

Met up with Paul and Ron Bennett from SAG NY at the Opening Night screening of "A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints".  A great crowd turned out including almost the entire cast. 

Afterward we ran over to the party at Eugenia.  Met up with some filmmaker pals including Morris Levy of MEGA Pictures who produced Summer Hill, The Ten, Descent and Kiss Me Again (which I handled at Tribeca 06).  We made the rounds talking to producers from First Look and eventually to Sting and Trudy Styler who Executive Produced "A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints".  They were both very cool and receptive to chatting about the project as well as some stuff I’m working on and SAG Indie. 

A friend of mine from Tribeca cornered me and made me introduce her and her friend to Sting.  Apparently her friend made a film about orgasms that’s at the market and they’d heard Sting does some kind of tantric yoga that allows him to sport twelve hour erections.  The look on his face was priceless when they asked him about it and apparently ladies……it’s true.  Now THAT’s what I call Synchronicity.

oi!