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ANYWAY, the real reason I came here today is because a lot of friends have been asking me about Film Independent’s Filmmaker Labs. Why ask me? I know I don’t work for them, but I do know everything ever. (Thanks google!) I am personally applying for the Screenwriter Lab and concurrently pestering John August, via his impressive site on all things screenwriting.

Now, its no Diving Bell and the Butterfly, but I truly enjoyed it.  A special mention if I may of Vinessa Shaw, a spectacular actress who I was absolutely thrilled to see playing opposite Russell Crowe and cannot wait to see in in The Lovers with Joaquin Phoenix.  She’s done her time in indies and I could not be happier that she’s made her way into larger substantial projects.  The studios are fortunate to have her.

Salt lake City is not our destination, of course - Sundance is. Actually, Park City is. Sundance the festival is not held at Sundance the resort, which is too bad, because they give you nice terrycloth bathrobes when you stay at the Sundance resort. And these little paper slippers, which are no good in the snow.

Ah, I’m drifting off-topic.

The Sundance Film Festival! Winter gathering place of the great and glittering! The place where the dream of independent filmmakers - and the mini-majors, specialty divisions of the majors, and the just plain majors - can come true: a 100% return on your investment, plus points on the back end!

Of course, when I tell people I’m headed to Sundance for the fourth time, they always say “Ooo, that sounds fun!” And since there is some element of truth to that, I always nod and say “Oh, yeah.” Because people want to believe that Sundance is fun, like they want to believe that the Oscars are relevant, and that anyone cares that the Golden Globes were canceled.

But I always feel like “Oh, yeah” is cheating them out of a fuller picture of what Sundance the festival is really like. So, in the interest of full disclosure, here are 10 Sundance experiences that I have had, and fully expect to have again:

1) Eating meat for every meal.

2) Being stuck on a packed shuttle bus next to a “producer” who’s shouting into his Bluetooth Borg earpiece at his “assistant”.

3) Jeff Dowd.

4) Watching drunk chicks in mini-skirts and Uggs scream “Wooooooo!”

5) Long opening night speeches. That’s right - speeches. No film festival is complete without lots of ‘em.

6) Grub Steak (see number 1)

7) The Sundance Flu.

8) Going to the Airborne Lounge to get free medicine for your Sundance Flu.

9) Being so sick with the Sundance Flu that you have to stay in your room and order pepperoni pizza (again, see number 1).

10) Seeing that one good movie you can’t wait to tell everybody you saw first at Sundance.

I’m not here to say that Juno is devoid of any positive characteristics, on the contrary! I have no complaints about the rest of the film. However, when I left the theater amidst the endless nattering about the sassy and  precocious dialogue, I felt a strange desire to head to Costco to stock up in preparation of a long winter in hiding because otherwise I will probably be stoned to death by the film’s devout admirers.

With that revelation (I’m just going to embrace the lazy, ok guys?) I got to thinking: What do lazy people like me enjoy? Movie spoilers!

I managed to ctrl+c two urls for you guys! One for recent films with a time-sucking archive, and one of the top 50 movie endings of all time.

Maybe I’m not so lazy after all!

If you haven’t seen it yet, please do. Your time to claim knowledge of this film “way before it got popular” is running out very, very quickly.

Editorial note:  This blog was written by another of the AmPav students who nicely helped us out, Jai Hayes.  I (Darrien), in fact, was NOT taking pictures with various hotties.  I forgot my camera.

               Now about this festival.  I mean you’re in the south of France to begin with, it’s spring, the sun is shining, the women are beautiful(…read absolutely gorgeous and stunning…) and the entire film industry world wide has descended upon a roughly ten block radius of a small town in southern France.  Ha!  This rocks!  U2 played on the steps of the Palais and I said “okay…look its U2…and their playing a set on the red carpet”  and you know what I didn’t even blink.  Don’t get me wrong…it’s awesome…but it just seems so much apart of what is normal around here.  I’ve been thinking that I don’t know what the heck I’m going to do with myself when I get back to the states, because after this what on earth is going to fire me up.  I’ll be driven to distraction.  But then again I guess that’s the price for being fortunate enough to attend the festival and have access to all the behind the scenes activity…and oh yeah I got to see Robert Duvall, Malcom MacDowell (….very cool…he was amazing just chillin out checking his email…no attendants, no publicist, no anything…just himself…)

                 Last but not least….a message to guys everywhere…learn how to tie a bow tie.  I spent thirty minutes looking for someone out in front of the palais to tie my tie so I could go into the world premiere of Michael Moore’s Sicko.  Just a word to the wise. 

So for the savvy indie(ite) that wants to try their hand at surviving La Riviera sans beaucoups de bucks I thought I would share my observations on the first several days of free food…or gratuis as its called over here. I’m even going to go so far as to name the parties but you can’t hold me responsible for next years fare.

Breakfast. Okay, I haven’t seen any free breakfasts but in ‘04 I did the Producer’s Network here and the gatherings were always during breakfast. Granted, I did pay for the privilege of attending the Network, but breakfast was kind of free in that I never actually paid for it on the spot? If I remember correctly, it was the standard French fare, croissant, pain au chocolat, French orange juice (kind of tangy with more of a water like consistency) coffee and tea. I’ll check tomorrow with a friend in the program this year and amend the above if it has changed at all.

I’ve also noticed at the American Pavilion if have a VIP membership, they have a little table set up with free coffee and pastries. But, when someone showed up at the American Pavilion with a pain au chocolat yesterday when we all knew they were out, I found out the Irish Pavilion had free pastries and coffee which leads me to believe, and again, this is not with all certainly, but I’m fairly sure, some of the various countries, and definitely Ireland have free breakfast goodies.

Lunch. Kodak takes the cake here. The Kodak luncheon was actually lovely. Perfect paella, orzo in a light tomato sauce, artisinal cheeses, a chopped avocado, tomato and bean salad with a crisp Rose. Its difficult to believe the space was just beach several days ago as they have this Buddhist, Zen, rocks and wood thing happening in there with a bar that looks like it layered slate. Really, as good if not better than any restaurant with ambiance to boot.

Snacks/Coffee. I’m going to go with a stroll around the market on this one. I promise to go back tomorrow and take better notes, but the various booths always have a little something to nosh on while you stop by. Some booths are more approachable than others, hence you don’t feel badly about the eat and run. They are easy to spot in the quantity and assortment of what is there. A little fun twist on the market is heading outside to the yacht area. Today I took at peak at the new F23 HD Sony camera on their yacht and noticed a lovely assortment of sandwiches and sodas for visitors. They were such a nice group of people, I sincerely think they would have been happy to have me sit down on their uber yacht and enjoy a bit of food and I don’t even think the conversation would need to revolve around the camera.

Cocktail Hour. This is where Cannes takes the cake. I’m going to have to go with the Korean Pavilion on this one for whatever the beautiful purpley champagne was they were serving. The food wasn’t so memorable, but the champagne made up for any lack on the part of the hors d’ouevres. IFP, alcohol, no food. Film Finders/Without a Box, alcohol and some appetizers but difficult to find and well…the Plages des Palmes where it was held had a big cooler with ice cream so that was nice!

Dinner. J.A. Media, hands down. Chinese food in France. Who would have thought. But it was great, copious, lively and very filling. Kung Pao Shrimp, pork shu mai, wontons, pork dumplings, egg rolls, bbq pork ribs, broccoli and greens in garlic, fried rice and noodles. The space got very hot very quickly and the waiters did not put ice in our Coca Lite but everyone left fully sated without parting with any Euro. The perfect dinner.

I have not heard of a dessert party yet, but I will keep my eyes open and report back should I hear of one. Feel free to comment and add to this list for future generations of budget Canne(enites) to refer to.